| 1 |
Law of
Cat Inertia: |
A cat at rest will tend to remain at rest, unless acted
upon by some outside force - such as the opening of cat food, or a
nearby scurrying mouse. |
| 2 |
Law of
Cat Motion: |
A cat will move in a straight line, unless there is a
really good reason to change direction. |
| 3 |
Law of
Cat Magnetism: |
All blue blazers and black sweaters attract cat hair in
direct proportion to the darkness of the fabric. |
| 4 |
Law of
Cat Thermodynamics: |
Heat flows from a warmer to a cooler body, except in the
case of a cat, all heat flows to the cat. |
| 5 |
Law of
Cat Stretching: |
A cat will stretch to a distance proportional to the
length of the nap just taken. |
| 6 |
Law of
Cat Sleeping: |
All cats must sleep with people whenever possible, in a
position as uncomfortable for the people involved as is possible for the
cat. |
| 7 |
Law of
Cat Elongation: |
A cat can make her body long enough to reach just about
any countertop, that has anything remotely interesting on it. |
| 8 |
Law of
Cat Acceleration: |
A cat will accelerate at a constant rate, until he gets
good and ready to stop. |
| 9 |
Law of
Dinner Table Attendance: |
Cats must attend all meals when anything good is served. |
| 10 |
Law of
Rug Configuration: |
No rug may remain in its naturally flat state, for very
long. |
| 11 |
Law of
Obedience Resistance: |
A cat's resistance varies in proportion to a human's
desire for her to do something. |
| 12 |
First Law
of Energy Conservation: |
Cats know that energy can neither be created nor
destroyed and will, therefore, use as little energy as possible. |
| 13 |
Second Law
of Energy Conservation: |
Cats also know that energy can only be stored, by a lot
of napping. |
| 14 |
Law of
Refrigerator Observation: |
If a cat watches a refrigerator long enough, someone
will come along and take out something good to eat. |
| 15 |
Law of
Electric Blanket Attraction: |
Turn on an electric blanket and a cat will jump into bed
at the speed of light. |
| 16 |
Law of
Random Comfort Seeking: |
A cat will always seek, and usually take over, the most
comfortable spot in any given room. |
| 17 |
Law of
Bag / Box Occupancy: |
All bags and boxes in a given room must contain a cat
within the earliest possible nanosecond. |
| 18 |
Law of
Cat Embarrassment: |
A cat's irritation rises in direct proportion to her
embarrassment times the amount of human laughter. |
| 18 |
Law of
Milk Consumption: |
A cat will drink his weight in milk, squared, just to
show you he can. |
| 20 |
Law of
Furniture Replacement: |
A cat's desire to scratch furniture is directly
proportional to the cost of t he furniture. |
| 21 |
Law of
Cat Landing: |
A cat will always land in the softest place possible. |
| 22 |
Law of
Fluid Displacement: |
A cat immersed in milk will displace her own volume,
minus the amount of milk consumed. |
| 23 |
Law of
Cat Disinterest: |
A cat's interest level will vary in inverse proportion
to the amount of effort a human expends in trying to interest him. |
| 24 |
Law of
Pill Rejection: |
Any pill given to a cat has the potential energy to
reach escape velocity. |
| 25 |
Law of
Cat Composition: |
A cat is composed of Matter + Anti-Matter + It Doesn't
Matter. |
| 26 |
Law of
Selective Listening: |
Although a cat can hear a can of tuna being opened a
mile away, she can't hear a simple command three feet away. |
| 27 |
Law of
Equidistant Separation: |
All cats in a given room will locate at points
equidistant from each other, and equidistant from the center of the
room. |
| 28 |
Law of
Cat Invisibility: |
Cats think that if they can't see you, then you can't see them. |
| 29 |
Law of
Space-Time Continuum: |
Given enough time, a cat will land in just about any
space. |
| 30 |
Law of
Concentration of Mass: |
A cat's mass increases in direct proportion to the
comfort of the lap she occupies. |
| 31 |
Law of Cat Probability
(Cat's Uncertainty Principle): |
It is not possible to predict where a cat actually
is, only the probability of where she "might" be. |
| 32 |
Law of
Cat Obedience: |
As yet undiscovered. |
